Saturday, August 31, 2013

Wanted: Christians Oppressed by Homosexuals

Do these people terrify you with their intolerance?
Do you want to make a difference in the defense of marriage? We present a unique opportunity to become a hero — a legend among the faithful.

Ideal candidates will own a public accommodation in a locale that prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation. Your mission will be to deny some service to homosexuals based on your “sincerely held religious beliefs.” Eventually a complaint will be lodged against you.

Once a complaint is filed you will profess extreme sadness. After all some of your [fill in the blank] are gay and lesbian. You will invite others to pray for your victory over evil and the right to discriminate.
You will also note just how intolerant these homosexuals are of your religious beliefs. If you can summon up some tears, that will be very helpful.

Your  self-victimization will continue as your case moves through the courts. You are expected to lose your case at each step of the legal process. We will provide Christian legal counsel free of charge throughout. Your lawyers won't be very competent but keep in mind that we are trying to lose. Otherwise, what's the point?

While you lose business, we will be able to raise funds off of your martyrdom so that we can continue to pay our bloated salaries and benefits. We will claim that this is exactly why we should all oppose gay marriage and gay rights in general.

You can take comfort in being a true defender of the faith!
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