Thursday, August 6, 2015

Planning my religious pilgrimage to Havana

On Tuesday The Mormon Church released photographs of a so-called “seer stone.” Adherents believe that the was egg-shaped brown rock was used by Joseph Smith, to write the Book of Mormon. You see Smith found gold plates engraved with ancient Egyptian symbols in upstate New York 185 years ago. God helped Smith translate the text into English for the Book of Mormon while examining the “seer stone” inside a hat.

They've got the rock but they don't seem to have the plates (or the magic hat). Nor, for that matter, has anyone since claimed that the rock (inside a hat or not) has facilitated any kind of supernatural abilities, multi-lingual or otherwise.

So I have decided to start a religion. Of course it will be tax-exempt and my condo will be a parsonage. I don't have a name for the religion yet but I have almost completed The Book of David, Volume I (pre-release priced at $39.95 on Amazon). Therein I have carefully explained why we should all worship the original Montecristo #2. I have also included a devotional to the Cohiba Robusto.

Obviously Havana is our Mecca. Adherents are required to blow smoke in that direction at least once daily. A prayer to the Broad Leaf (planned for Book II)  is optional. Once one has made the pilgrimage to Havana they can add "Havi" to their name.

Sound silly? Is my religion really any less credible than seer stones, Xenu, Kosher laws or an immaculate conception? It is bad enough that we all subsidize these operations because of their tax exemptions. It is worse that some of these religions use their tax deducted donations to oppress LGBT citizens. Moreover, people who willingly believe that some guy walked on water insist that transgender citizens don't exist. People who believe, as literal, numerous fairy tales from bronze age texts have the temerity to insist that gay people are “objectively disordered” because some prelate (a theologian) says so.

Were that not bad enough, the same self-righteous people have used their clout, financed with tax deducted/tax exempt contributions, to effectively take control of the Republican Party which routinely proposes legislation that insults the Establishment Clause. Indeed, the GOP idea of public policy is based, in part, on the assertion that gay people are mentally ill. Adherents even have enough presence on the Supreme Court to give Hobby Lobby a pass on otherwise valid laws. Over the last 30 years we have become something of a Christian Nation. We are not Iran but left unchecked we are only a few steps away.

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