|Doug Mainwaring testifying in Maryland|
in opposition to marriage equality
That would be relegated to whatever floats your boat were it not for the fact that Mainwaring actively opposed marriage equality. He testified before state legislatures, wrote articles, appeared at marriage marches and participated in public forums. Mainwaring did it all. He presumed to make a decision for all other gay men. Now he is back with a new polemic titled “It’s Possible: Gays and Lesbians Can Have Happy Marriages.” By that he means opposite sex marriages.
What Mainwaring is now unable, or unwilling, to appreciate is that marriage equality coupled with societal acceptance reduces the number of sham marriages that gay men enter into. Mainwaring doesn't realize that he is obsessing over the product of discrimination. He presumes to extend that discrimination and disapproval as a means of validation. At the end of the day, this is all pretext for resubmitting objections to marriage equality for religious purposes by a shameless gay man.
Same-sex marriage is not the only option for gays and lesbians who seek the personal fulfillment and familial happiness that is the universal desire of the human heart.In reality, Mainwaring believes that same-sex marriage is not an option at all. Mainwaring is simply refitting his opposition to equality. One has to wonder how he acquired this authority. He continues:
When Christian rock star Trey Pearson announced he was coming out of the closet and separating from his wife and their two children after seven and a half years of marriage, he said that his wife had been his “biggest supporter” and that “she just hugged me and cried and said how proud of me she was.”Some neurotic gay men (particularly conservative Christians) have done what Mainwaring did; They married to conform rather than out of true love. Some probably thought that marriage would eradicate their homosexuality. This doesn't sound like the makings for wedded bliss with the happy couple prancing though clover and daisies. What Pearson did is not the same as leaving his wife for another woman. With refreshing honesty he is leaving a marriage that he never should have entered to begin with. Life is too damned short and people are entitled to a measure of happiness. Living a lie is stressful drudgery. It is hard to believe that Pearson's wife could have been very pleased and she probably thought that it was her fault. Her now ex-husband gave her a pardon from a life sentence. She is probably delighted. Mainwaring's existence seems joyless.
If this account is exactly true, it is troubling. Think about the degree of social decay required—especially within Christianity—for a Christian wife to be so conditioned by popular culture that she immediately congratulates her husband for abandoning her and their children, rather than reaching out for help to preserve their marriage and family. A man who walks away from a marriage because of same-sex attraction is no different from a man who abdicates his role as husband and father for sex with other women. We shouldn’t view Trey Pearson’s actions as heroically true-to-self, but as simply selfish.
It is apparent that, for religious reasons, Mainwaring does not approve of gay people. Therefore, he does not approve of himself. I assume—but do not know for certain—that he is Catholic which means that he believes that he is “disordered.” If he is disordered it is not because of his sexual orientation. A willingness to believe all of the bullshit that his shoveled his way by his Church is disordered. Being a slave to ancient chronicles is stupid—and disordered. At the time of Christ's birth the infant mortality rate was greater than 25% (today it is 0.62% in the US) and half of all children never made it to their tenth birthday. Which society is more likely to correctly understand human sexuality?
I should know. I walked away from my marriage nearly twenty years ago because of my same-sex attraction. I made a stunning error in judgment. Thankfully, our marriage has been very happily restored for more than five years now. Along the way, I learned that marriage is more than just a tradition or a religious or social construct. Monogamous, complementary, conjugal marriage is a pearl of great price worth investing one’s entire life in, a pursuit that surpasses all its imitators and impostors.Good for Mainwaring. All would be ignored had Mainwaring not been so actively opposed to marriage equality. It is obvious that he still opposes same-sex marriage. He is distressed that it is an option for gay men who possibly never should have entered into traditional marriages in the first place. Given an acceptable choice, fewer gay men will enter into these sham marriages.
Many Same-Sex-Attracted People Are Drawn to Complementarity and the Solemnity of MarriageFirst of all, healthy gay men are not “same-sex attracted.” That is a construction of the Church designed to liken homosexuality to a bad habit or an optional predisposition. It denies the fact that sexual orientation is at the core of who we are. “Complementarity” is also Church-speak to suggest that those who are traditionally married enjoy something, other than procreation, that is exclusive. The truth is that gay couples are also complementary in many ways. Here we have a gay man referring to sexual orientation as a lifestyle and gay betrothed as synthetic, at odds with nature. It is shameless religious stupidity.
Popular culture now espouses the notion that heteronormativity is harmful to those with same-sex attraction. But many who experience same-sex attraction would disagree. In seeking conjugal, complementary marriage rather than anti-conjugal, anti-complementary relationships, we seek nothing more than to fit in with the entire universe, to be part of the wonderful ecosystem of humanity and all of nature. Non-conjugal, non-complementary sexual relationships are a synthetic lifestyle, at odds with nature and the entire cosmos. Not only do we seek marriage in the only true sense of the word, we are dedicated to its solemnity and the sanctity of our marriage vows.
One man recently told me:Given Mainwaring's orbit I am not surprised. That man has made a choice. It is his to make. Just as Trey Pearson's choice is his to make. I don't see how a neurotic gay man can do anything other than to make his wife and children equally neurotic. They are living an open lie. That is just how I see things. It is neither my choice to make nor to judge. I just see it as common sense that gay men should probably not marry women and straight women are probably better off if they marry straight men.
Over the years, I have had passing thoughts of giving up my family and marriage for a same-sex relationship or partner, but decided that in no way is it worth destroying my family and marriage for that. There is enough unhappiness in this world without me adding to it. Life isn't all about me; I have created a family and children and I have a responsibility to them that I could never forsake. So over time, even when feeling same-sex attraction, I have chosen not to dwell on it and to remain faithful to my marriage and family. I draw immense satisfaction from that.
Like many of the married same-sex attracted people who have spoken to me over the years, this man wants to remain anonymous, because he wants to protect the happiness and security of his marriage. He would never do anything to undermine or jeopardize his family. He is one of the many unsung heroes whom the world will never know. I wish many more would step forward publicly, but I certainly understand why they choose not to.He is not a fucking hero. He is not a martyr for the faith. Like Mainwaring he probably entered into marriage for all of the wrong (and selfish) reasons. For some, his decision might be right but your mileage may vary. Why does he have so much trouble writing about gay people rather than same-sex attracted? Why does a gay man read like Robert P. George? I was going to type Ryan T. Anderson but that would be awkward since I believe that he is another gay man.
Kory Koontz:Here we have a gay man admitting to having SSA as if it were in the DSM. I think that this is pathetic. He is a victim of oppression and discrimination. Mainwaring seeks to perpetuate that discrimination. He refers to our marriages as a “synthetic lifestyle.” Mainwaring is a guy who has previously wrote that the obscure book (known only to religious conservatives and crackpots), After the Ball is the underlying manifesto of the Homosexual Agenda.
I am 52 years old, a father to five awesome kids, and have been happily married to my wife, Colleen, for 20 years. I am an actor, writer, marathon runner, and I have SSA [same-sex attraction]. I may not have chosen to have SSA but I certainly can choose to deal with it according to the dictates of my own conscious [sic], mind, and faith. I stand as a voice to an alternative choice: that a man with SSA can be fulfilled emotionally, physically, and sexually in a traditional relationship and marriage, as the provider of the family and the patriarch of the home.
Mainwaring offers a few more miserable gay men. Remember that he is in that orbit. I'll spare some of your brain cells. Reciting their dysfunction is pointless. Then there is this:
In the spring of 2015, I originated an amicus brief to the United States Supreme Court that came to be known as “Same-Sex Attracted Men and Their Wives.” It was submitted in Obergefell v. Hodges in support of allowing states to maintain the definition of marriage as between one man and one woman. Twelve same-sex attracted men, married to women, contributed to this effort. Our goal was to let the justices know our stories, which have been regularly suppressed. We are not supposed to exist. Our existence—and the thriving of our families—threaten to undermine the narrative that same-sex marriage is the only route to happiness for the same-sex attracted.Again, Mainwaring is falsely claiming that same-sex marriage is an option when his brief was designed to stop marriage equality and roll it back in those states where federal judges acted according to the precedence established by United States v. Windsor. According to the brief:
A constitutional mandate requiring same- sex marriage sends a harmful message that it is impossible, unnatural, and dangerous for the same-sex attracted to marry members of the opposite sex.Sure. It's worth noting that the Mainwaring's fellow amici were all Mormons and the brief was submitted by a Utah attorney. I wonder why that is. Well, opposition to marriage equality is, and always has been, a religious enterprise. Something in which Mainwaring is a participant.
Here’s what the proponents of same-sex marriage and the many who have passively accepted its arrival may never be able to comprehend: sex within marriage—and marriage itself—is about generously giving of ourselves, not taking what our eyes and minds covet. I would rather live freely according to reason, in harmony with the universe, than as a prisoner living according to the dictates of nothing more than hormone-triggered impulses.Well silly me for thinking that sex is fun. It is amazing just how homophobic this faggot is. He mercifully concludes:
Same-sex marriage is not the only option for gays and lesbians who seek personal fulfillment and familial happiness. No matter what the Supreme Court may say, marriage to a member of the opposite sex is not some kind of meaningless impossibility for the same-sex attracted. It’s the fulfillment of our deepest longings.Same-sex marriage might not be the only option for gays and lesbians who seek “personal fulfillment and familial happiness.” But it sure beats the hell out of the alternatives. Witherspoon informs us:
Doug Mainwaring is a marriage and children’s rights activist. This article is adapted from his forthcoming book, Marriage, Ground Zero: The Real Battle Dawns.It is safe to assume that children's rights do not include the right of LGBT kids to be themselves. It seems that every crackpot writes a book these days. There is no battle, real or otherwise.