Friday, December 16, 2016

Now the claim is that trans people are child molesters

Denise Shick
Denise Shick writes: “Just Because Your Transgender Parent Isn’t Messing With You Doesn’t Mean It Doesn’t Happen.” Just in case you do not get it, the subtitle reads: “Perhaps Elle’s transgender father never fondled her because he desired to have a body like hers. I pray she had—and always will have—a loving and respectful home life. I didn’t.” The Federalist is desperately in need of editors.

Elle is 13-year-old with a transgender father who wrote a piece that ended up in the Huffington Post that is critical of Ms. Shick. Apparently Ms. Shick is incapable of handling criticism. One way certain to make yourself look like a deranged crackpot is to suggest that someone's father is predisposed to being a child molester. Transgender people seem to be viewing anti-gay reruns from 30 years ago with a slight edit to the material.

Shick's shtick (try to say that ten times quickly) is to promote herself as an expert on human sexuality. This erudition was acquired by osmosis because her father is transgender. This expertise is enhanced by a BA from an unidentified college (after attending an unidentified junior college). Shick is a sometimes affiliate of Oscar Robert Lopez and currently runs Help 4 Families Ministry out of Ashland Kentucky. Help 4 Families is small enough (under $50,000) to file its non-profit tax return by postcard. It operates out of a mailbox at a UPS store and is not registered (as required) in Kentucky. Shick is self-absorbed. Her father's gender dysphoria is all about Denise Shick — of course.

Help 4 Families is part reparative therapy, part Al-Anon and all Christian kook. Behold the expertise:
People who have battled transsexual desires tend to follow their damaged inner compass, which naturally points back to transgender confusion and bondage.
I wonder which junior college course prepared Shick for that statement. We get it Denise. You had a crappy childhood and your trans father was a crappy parent which means that every trans parent is a crappy parent. Sure.
In her discussion, Elle suggested that Help 4 Families is a reparative-therapy ministry. We are not. We are a support ministry for families who have a loved one who identifies as transgender. That is an important distinction. Family members typically go through a grieving process in dealing with the ordeal of a transitioning loved one. (Whether one is willing to admit it or not, such news from a loved one is always shocking, and, at least initially, is an ordeal.) We help such families through the grieving process. So, as I said, we are not a reparative-therapy ministry. I do, however, believe in therapy, in some cases.
This is from a brochure on Shick's website:
Healing begins with the desire to become reconciled with early, unresolved childhood emotional wounds; events in early developmental years which threatened or undermined a person’s feelings of security, peace, warmth, comfort, and a secure sense of being deeply, unconditionally and uniquely loved.

Healing unfolds as a result of discovering what the first formative years of life were like in the care of one’s parents, which led to the security or insecurity of the child. Th e end-purpose is not to find fault with the parents and blame them for all one’s choices; but rather to discover the obvious interruptions to one’s basic trust level and the concurrent developmental structure of one’s own sense of personal gender/sexual identity.
Shick is clearly at least a proponent of reparative “therapy” which is pseudo-scientific nonsense. The first paragraph is a cut-and-paste from a guy named “Dr.” Jerry Leach (he actually holds an M.Div.) who is, or was, a cross-dressing fetishist. Leach claims to cure trans people. At a minimum Shick is encouraging people to seek out nuts like Leach. As she further explains:
Reparative therapy is nothing more than good talk therapy. People in general need to talk about personal things. Some gender-confused people, like my dad, have been molested. He also lacked an affirmative father figure; his father was distant and often harsh. On top of that, his mother was an alcoholic. My dad had a lot of issues that might have been resolved through talking with a good therapist.
It's amazing. In Christian circles, the prevalence of abuse supposedly causing a variant in sexuality is greater than the presence of smoking in lung cancer. I would love to ask Shick what an “affirmative father figure” is. And, no. It is not good talk therapy. It isn't even therapy. It is conservative Christians torturing logic and psychology in order to convince themselves that their god only creates cisgender people.

Shick is convinced that gender dysphoria is caused by external events. This is necessary in order to posit that gender identity can be manipulated. Gender dysphoria is probably innate but — arguendo — suppose it was caused by parenting. There still remains no known medical intervention to treat gender dysphoria other than affirmative support. There is no known peer-reviewed research published to a respected scholarly journal supporting the idea that trans people can be made cisgender through any form of therapy. Anyone claiming otherwise is a charlatan unless and until they can offer proof that they are not.
Elle should understand this, since she spoke of attending therapy with her parents. So, yes, I do believe in some cases therapy can be helpful. Not only for the gender-confused person, but also for the person’s family. I favor therapy that digs into the truth, for sake of the entire family.
Shick has demonstrated just how much she is out of her depth. Chances are that Elle and her family have a professional, licensed therapist in contrast to a Christian kook. Elle does not “understand” any of that bullshit. Nor should she because, just for starters, trans people are not confused. Shick is confused.
I am by no means the only one who has had a negative experience with a parent who identifies as transgender. Sadly, I have heard from many other adult children who had struggles with a transgender parent. Most children of transgenders won’t speak out about their family situation, usually because they don’t want to cause conflict within their family. I understand that; I kept quiet on the issue until my father passed away.
That is called selection bias. If she is being truthful (something that is far from certain) Shick is generally only going to communicate with people who want to blame their failures in life on the fact that they had a trans parent.
It seems Elle loves and respects her parents—both of them. I applaud her for that. It’s a good thing. Perhaps her experience with a transgender parent was different from mine. Perhaps her transitioning father never snuck into her bedroom while she was away and tried on her underwear. Perhaps her father never drilled holes into the bathroom wall to spy on her in the bathtub. Perhaps her father never fondled her because he desired to have a body like hers. I pray Honey Badger had—and always will have—a loving and respectful home life. I didn’t.
If, in fact, her father “fondled” her it wasn't because he was transgender. It is correlation rather than causation. There is nothing in the literature to even suggest that trans people are predisposed to being child molesters.
My siblings and I eventually adjusted and became happy, fulfilled adults—but it wasn’t easy. We struggled through a lot of emotional pain. Now, having worked for many years with others whose lives were similarly disrupted by a transitioning parent, child, or other loved one, I know my struggles were not isolated. Every week I meet or hear from people whose lives have been turned upside down by a gender-confused loved one.
I am sure that having a transgender parent can be disruptive. Productive therapy is gender affirming and helps children cope with the realities. Ultimately, Shick's solution is for the trans parent (whom she refers to as “gender confused”) to become cisgender through Christianity. It is an expectation that will not be realized and will only add to whatever turmoil already exists. As I said earlier this is a bad rerun of the crap that gay people have to put up with from the accusations of pedophilia to the pray-away-the-gay craziness. The source is the same; the same conservative Christian idiots.

Shick seems to have done a pretty good job of fucking up her own pathetic life. She should not be contagious in that regard. Quarantine is essential.

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